Offer of oralsex in the trauma room

21 year old guy, drunk, smashes his car into a tree-brought in spitting and screaming strapped down to a gurney. I am getting ready to intubate him (put a temporary breathing tube in his throat to protect his airway). He starts screaming-I will suck anyone's **** if you just let me go. He said it like a dozen times before I sedated and tubed him. Now there is a metrosexual guy! He has no idea how close to death he was. He had broken his jaw in several places, lacerated his lips-his throat was full of blood and he kept sucking it down into his lungs-I had a terrible time putting the tube into the trachea because of the amount of bleeding in the throat.

Next day all the smartasses in the ER-'hey-wanna go see if your boyfriend is doing any better? May be we could all take him up on his offer from last night."

Turns out this kids alcohol level was 0.276! Legal limit is .08!
I wish we were allowed to show him a videotape of his behaviour later-that is probably the best deterrent to prevent future drinking rather than AA...
Sometimes I feel I live part of my life in a dream state and all the bizzare stuff I see in the ER was just a dream...

The bat guy re-visited the house this time to make sure all the bats got outta there-turns out there were only a couple of bats in the attic-he had to vaccum a couple of small piles of guano-no discount on the price though-that is bullguano!